


as we wait for the real thing

by canopener13



Category: Suits (US TV)
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-13
Updated: 2020-06-13
Packaged: 2021-03-03 19:29:30
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,105
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24690829
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/canopener13/pseuds/canopener13
Summary: "But Harvey lost their bet, and that's how he finds himself going to a stupid Amusement Park on Valentine's day". Or the day Donna and Harvey ended up stuck together in a Ferris-Wheel and had nowhere to run (around season 5A).
Relationships: Donna Paulsen/Harvey Specter
Comments: 2
Kudos: 7





	as we wait for the real thing

**Author's Note:**

> It's Valentine's day in Brazil and my friend gave me this idea. I hope you all enjoy it (reviews are much appreciated). Again, sorry for any mistakes you may find here. And Happy Valentine's day to our (now married) fools.
> 
> With Love.

He should have known better than to bet something with Louis because, of course, he would choose something ridiculous as his prize if he won. But he made a bet about closing a client, and apparently, Harvey was entirely off his game these days, and Louis was the one who closed the deal, to his surprise. But to be sincere, Harvey was a little off his game ever since Donna went to work for Louis, and the things that usually were easy for him, like closing a god damn deal, weren't easy anymore. On the bright side, he and Donna were on good terms for almost two weeks now, and he was starting to hope they could make _this _work. Whatever _this _is.____

_____ _

_____ _

But Harvey lost their bet, and that's how he finds himself, with Donna, Louis, Sheila, Rachel and Mike (that Louis managed to bring along somehow) going to a stupid Amusement Park on Valentine's day, after an exhausting day at work, "to have some fun" according to Louis. He just wanted to go home and enjoy this day alone, drinking his whiskey while thinking about missed opportunities and wasted moments. Things have not been easy for him.

For starters, you don't have panic attacks when your secretary leaves you. That's something he knew and the first thing he had to accept. The second thing he had to accept was that he loved her. He deeply loved her. And although he said that to her like it was the obvious thing in the world, the shock in her face brought him back to reality, and he got scared so he ran away. Not because he didn't mean because he did it, but maybe he wasn't ready. He still didn't fully understand how he loved her, and that confrontation was something unexpected. They never talk about _them _. And when Donna called him out, he got scared (again). He didn't run but said the most stupid thing he could have stated because the last thing he could feel for her was pity. He feels a lot of stuff, which is driving him crazy, but pity was not one of them.__

____

____

They were a mess after that. Donna left, and he panicked. They said things they didn't mean, and they hurt each other more in this period than over a decade working together. Now, they were finally coming back on track. The last thing he needed to accept was how much he had hurt her and how much he wanted to make things right.

They were walking side by side, making small talks and trying hard not to say the wrong thing, something they never had to do before. Everything was easy between them because they were Harvey and Donna, simple as that. But now they were Harvey and Donna, but suddenly it was not that simple anymore.

He didn't have a date for valentine's day for quite some time now, but he couldn't stop wondering why Donna didn't have one today. But he was not going to complain, because she was here with him, well, them and he would make the most of it. As they talked, he noticed she was a little sad, and even tho he wasn't sure if it was his place to ask, going against his better judgment, he asked anyway.

"Is everything okay? You look a little bit…. distant. I'm sorry I shouldn't have said anything. It's not my business". He said, feeling the need to apologize because he wasn't sure what the shocked look in her face meant.

"No, it's okay…. I'm fine, Harvey. But thanks for asking anyway". Donna was usually so good at hiding her feelings and pretending she was okay when she wasn't, that the fact he noticed caught her off the guard. She was confused, more than anything, and she didn't know what to with everything she was feeling these days.

Things with Harvey weren't great but were improving; they were talking; she was finally more comfortable working for Louis, and her relationship was going somewhere...until it wasn't. Until Mitchell mentioned move in with her.

It's not that she couldn't imagine a life where she was married. She can, she dreams about it. Coming home to someone and cooking and watching movies. Lazy and easy Sunday mornings, walking around the house wearing someone else's shirt. Kisses and sex with love and passion. Laughs and soft plans for the future. She could see all of this perfectly. Just not with Mitchell. Not with anyone else but him, and that was driving her crazy. She deserved better because she shouldn't see a future with a man who didn't even know how he loved her. But still, she wanted him. She loved him. God knows she tried hard not to, but she did, with everything she had inside her: Donna Paulsen loved Harvey Specter.

But love isn't supposed to hurt, and she was sure their love was no exception. it was their irrational and constant fight, trying so hard to _not love each other _, to _not to feel anything _that was killing them, little by little. They could not accept they _should be together _, and that was breaking their hearts over and over again, going in circles hurting each other without knowing how to stop.______

_____ _

_____ _

As they find themselves in front of a Ferris-Wheel, they all agreed to ride together. Rachel and Mike sited together as did Louis and Sheila, so Harvey and Donna had to sit together and damn Louis. The first two rounds were almost entirely in silence; they were just taking the view in, enjoying each other company…until in the third round, as they were right on top of the Wheel, it stopped. Donna was surprised and grabbed Harvey's hand, trying to calm her heart down.

"What the hell just happened?"

"I think it got stuck."

"Oh, great. That's just…. Great". Donna said. Harvey could see she was more than annoyed; she was angry as she let his hand go "Because all I wanted was to spend valentine's day stuck in a Ferris Wheel in a place I didn't even want to go in the first place. That's just great".

"Hey, just…calm down. I'm sure they will fix it soon. There's no need to be so mad about it, Donna".

"It's not up to you to decided what makes me mad or not, Harvey."

"What the hell is wrong with you, Donna? I know I screw up in a lot of things these past few months, but I'm sure I didn't do anything today to make you this angry with me".

"You are…right. I'm sorry, Harvey". Donna looked down. She shouldn't have snapped at him, this wasn't Harvey's fault, "I just…. I was seeing someone, but we broke up". She started to look around. She was stuck with the last person she wanted to have this kind of conversation with.

"I…I didn't know you were seeing someone."

"No one knew, actually. Only Rachel. But it didn't work anyway, so I guess it doesn't matter."

"I'm sorry, Donna." He was. He wanted her to be happy. "Why did you guys broke up?"

The honest concern in his face was killing her because she couldn't answer him with the truth, _because of you _. So she went with the second reason and the one she could give to Harvey right now.__

____

____

"I couldn't see a life with him. He wanted to, but I couldn't. And now I'm here, miserable and alone in valentine's day another year".

"You are not alone, Donna."

"You know what I mean, Harvey." They let the silence once again fill the air between them. None of them knew what to say, but without overthinking, Harvey decided she deserved to know something.

"You will be happy, Donna. You'll find someone who loves you, who adores you and for who you'll feel just the same. I know you will". Her eyes were filled with tears, and she wanted to slap him in the face. Because she didn't want _someone _to love and to love her back, she wanted to love _him _. She wanted _him _to love her back.______

_____ _

_____ _

"I'm not sure about that right now, but thank you, Harvey." She desperately wanted to change the subject, she couldn't do this anymore "I think we'll be here for a while, but at least the view is pretty." She says, looking around and then at him, trying to smile.

"Yes, it is." He replies quickly, looking not around but right at her without even blink. Like he could see her soul.

"Harvey…."

"I can see a life for me, you know?" He starts before she can say anything else. Harvey is looking at anything but her. He was nervous; in fact, he never felt so nervous in his life. And Donna just nodded at him, letting him speak, needing him do speak. "I can see a whole future, with a family of my own, a family that I'll love, cherish, and respect. I can see myself in the future with all that. I can even see a dog," Harvey said, smiling more to himself than to her "I didn't before. But now I do".

"What changed?"

"Losing the person who means the most to you can put things in perspective, I guess." She didn't dare to reply. She didn't dare to ask. She didn't dare to take her eyes away from him, holding her breath.

"I shouldn't have run, Donna. I shouldn't. I know I hurt you. I know I said things I didn't mean to hide what I was feeling, but seeing you walking away…losing you. That was when I truly knew how. How I love you. Donna. And actually, I can't even remember a time when I didn't".

Now, she was the one who wanted to run. Donna didn't know how to deal with this Harvey, open and so ready to love her. For the second time in her life, he left her speechless. And now, for all the right reasons.

"I love how I can call you at six the morning and at midnight when I need you - because it is always you and never just someone. I love drinking and flirting with you. I love the fact that I used to hate vanilla until you started putting in my coffee. How I can feel your smell every time you are close to me fixing my tie. How you know me as anybody else does, and how I can't stand seeing you with someone because you should be with me". Donna was stunned, hearing all these words from him and he couldn't stop talking, like now that he had started he needed to let it all out. She deserved to know.

"And I know you have all the reasons in the world not to want me. You have all the reasons in the world to slap me in the face right now. But I'm tired of running, Donna. I feel like I've been running my entire life, and the only thing I want to do now is rest. With you by my side".

"Harvey…"

"I know all the reasons why you could say no…"

"HARVEY." She screams his name now, and he stops completely cursing himself, wondering what he did say wrong, but she is smiling at him as she says, "You know, it just occurred me that we don't work together anymore."

He just grins at her then, as he finally says, "Yeah, that didn't just occur to you."

"No, it didn't. Now, you'd please shut up so I can kiss you?"

And he does. And they kiss. In the god damn Ferris-Wheel, with the moon above them and the city lights turning this moment into something perfect. It's their lips locked, her hands in his hair, And this is the happiest he has ever been in his life. They were finally where they were supposed to be.

"Happy Valentine's day, Donna."

"Happy Valentine's day, Harvey."

Their friends don't comment when, later that night, they leave together looking flustered. But the next day, they do tease them about why they took so long to get together. And suddenly love doesn't hurt anymore. It's easy. It's with days filled with love, nights watching Survivor eating pizza with stupid yellow tomatoes. Suddenly, love is the most natural thing in the world. **They found the real thing.**

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**I'll hold you close**

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**Tell me the memories that you miss the most**

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**I loved you fully, but I'm growing up now**

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**I loved you fully, but fully means more now**

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**(Explain You - JP Saxe)**


End file.
